


six feet under

by hanmagaewon



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Romance, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:08:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24520603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanmagaewon/pseuds/hanmagaewon
Summary: 𝓫𝓸𝓴𝓾𝓪𝓴𝓪 ;𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓵you left me, in a day when the sky was lilac, and the wind didn't wail noisily. you left, peacefully, ignored my patchy love. suddenly, you dropped the ice cream that you're holding, that's all, you left.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji & Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	six feet under

you left me, in a day when the sky was lilac, and the wind didn’t wail noisily. you left, peacefully, ignored my patchy love. suddenly, you dropped the ice cream that you were holding, that’s all, you left me in eternal blue. and you are so strange, in the middle of the hottest summer day, you just sat on the roadside, give me the last glance with your yellow eyes. i wish, that on that day, i had paid more attention to your blue, that on that day, you hadn't practice, that on that day, you had tried your best to have a meeting with me when i had a ton of work although i’m still on my holiday. you smiled, and i had thought that everything would be fine, you were just as happy as usual, and i am fine, as usual too. but if everything had been just simple as i thought, that you were always fine, because you always smiled, with me, with everyone around you. i knew that your smile didn’t belong to me and it will never belong to me, but i always felt selfish when you gave your smile to others without regret, but you didn’t. or for clearer, you dedicated your last smile to me, and i wish you hadn’t done it. i will exchange my whole life just for your smile resumption, but my daystar has died. agonize. solitary. you buried all your future for my living, gave your smile for the cruel destiny’s joke. you used your body to nourish my naked flesh. and i thought, you were wrong, so my beloved, will you know that the shooting star you lost in my eyes will take me to the eternity, and will you know that all the things you offered will bring sadness to console my sleep, with melatonin pills and the ocean wave always patted in my lonely intestine ? 

before you left, you always told me about your dream. “someday, i and akaashi will go to the cathedral of the sea together, okay ?” you enjoyed the scene when i wore my vest, and you had bought one for yourself, but i have never seen you wear that. you were always listless with everything like that, but you were meticulous when that something related to me, and that sentence flow from your mouth lightly like a poem, like the way you have asked me when i was a student at high school, “could you please help me practice spikes for just a little bit ?”. but now, even i just wish that i can go to the cathedral of the sea with you, or give you one more toss, i can’t have another chance. you used to love listening to my “moonlight sonata”, and you said it reminded you of me, although you hadn’t listened to classical music, because you can’t understand that abstract kind of music, but had you just say that it reminded you of me, hadn’t you ? “moonlight sonata” – the song you left for your lover, replaced you to appease my tired eyes and lull me at nights without you. and dear my beloved, have you ever wondered that someday when i disappeared from this underworld, and you just realised that every single warmth you had hugged were just shadow of the past, will you still smile, my beloved ? i still miss you so bad, because of course, you had crossed your fingers between my fingers like that when you left me, and i can’t stop missing the warmth that you had conserved when you were trembling before it faded away between exhausted heartbeat. and you left me, my beloved. but due to that attachment, i can force myself to deep into the blue for you the last time, because you have said that although your body turned to ashes, those ashes will always cling to my heel.

but you left me, in the eternal blue. and this morning, i woke up late. i have just been grumbled with you as usual when you forgot my alarm, but then, i realised that you had faded away. so i just woke up and started a new day without you. but interlaced things still covered my eyes, and the grey still haunted my life. i don’t want to dedicate my breath to this life to maintain that feebleness living, because you aren’t here. the weariness grows between my muscles, and i am squirming to find a way to ease my disintegrate flesh. but dear my beloved, i’m exhausted. i’m exhausted because i always have to run although i don’t know when i will catch you up, and i’m exhausted because of your broken promise. so i will bury this deep dream, bring all these beautiful blue to the paradise. and my beloved, that time, by and large, we will go to the cathedral of the sea together, won't we ?

**Author's Note:**

> contact me through:  
> • twitter: https://twitter.com/nampancy?s=09  
> • wattpad: @athieusque  
> • tumblr: @hanmagaewon


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